July 28th 2008
Sometimes I get stuck in a rut thinking what am I trying to accomplish-and there's the rub-doing something for the sheer sake of doing something seems so undervalued. I am always looking for the profit-for the payoff. What if , in life ,we could just BE without weighing where it is going to get us. Food for thought. I wish I could retrain my thoughts in this direction. I saw my art thru another,s eyes and my mind started asking me why I even tried. It looked so amateurish-so well, simple and silly. Could I settle for the pay off of the love I feel while i do this. If I could would that bleed over into my life and suddenly every moment would be bliss because there would be no expectations and therefore no disappointments. What is it we are all striving for if not to feel content with where we are. And why is it so hard to do that? What forces us to try and value everything we do...maybe it is just me..why do I feel so guilty then for indulging in this and why is hobby such a bad word? Why do we search for someone else to put value on us instead of valuing ourselves.....