Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Monday, February 16, 2015
well, some days you just can't draw for shit-this was one of those days I hate that. I am trying very hard to keep moving forward and appreciate everything I have. But when you come to a bad drawing day, it sucks.but one keeps on. The more I care, the worse I get. That is such a strange thing. I have to teach a class tonight on auditioning tips. I kind of feel like a fake because although I have done some damn fine ones, its been a while since I booked anything. It is frustrating, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have control over your career. Is it true if you work hard you will be rewarded-not in my field. Must be weird to go to work every day sure of your place, not having to constantly prove yourself with every project. What would it be like to not be interviewed for every single thing you do? Not to have people look at you when you say what you do for a living in the weird way people do and then ask-REALLY??? have I SEEN you in anything???
Sunday, February 15, 2015
who does a girl need to sleep with ?
I am going to do a weird experiment.
I am going to try all week to do something different and out of the ordinary to get attention to my art
I have to start thinking-and I HATE this saying-but OUTSIDE OF THE BOX
oh-I JUST GOT AN IDEA...................
Monday, February 9, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
There are times in my life where I withdraw and sort of recharge. These are times when a friends request can seem so overwhelming to me, hard tasks to get done-but I do them. Lately I am wondering if I do things because I am interested and want to-or if I do them to feel needed or to make others feel like I am on their side. Supportive to mean means all in, although it is sapping me. I will put by my own desires and projects to work on someone elses. I make them so much more important and dumb down my stuff. If I do that enough-which lately I feel I have, I become resentful and tired-really tired. This also might have to do with my daughter coming home for another drs appt-where they want to put her in a sleep study-when I asked how much he said oh thousands and thousands. Well, as much as I love my kid, I do not have thousands and thousands. I also have very very little trust in doctors as for five years she has been going through all this stuff and really, not one person has actually looked at her like a person, or like a whole. They shove pills at her-so many it is like she is 90, and she still suffers-we have spent and spent and spent until we have nothing left to spend. It is such a hard place to be, for her, for us,for families like us. It makes me sad and defeated. This is probably why I am so tired and overwhelmed today. Plus, in my gut, just as I don't think she need a sleep study, I think she needs different medications than the ones she is on because everyone of them AFFECTS HER SLEEP CYCLE-this is what the dr said-but sis he suggest different meds or actions -no, he wanted to do a thousands and thousands sleep study.
I know there must be doctors out there who actually listen and care (and yes she answered the same questions time after time-it was like he wasn't really listening) but i have yet to find one
I think I will go take a nap.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
I also realized how my tastes have changed over the years-I am smitten by the lines and colors of the 1930s. I used to find them cold and off putting. Now I find them so incredibly rich and inspiring. There was a skyscraper nightstand that just blew me a way-it was like all the old Fred Astaire movies. Such CLASS!!!!!!!!!!
I must remember to keep moving-keep getting out in the world-keep seeing