Tuesday, March 31, 2015

So I have been crazy in love with doing these altoid 3-d projects.  I did one storybook ones a couple years ago and then dropped the idea.  But I just love these.  It is such a blast working this small and planning how things will burst forth .  I put them on etsy so we shall see!  I was trying to clean my studio but got side tracked again-so for every gluing of a flower I run around and do something to clean,  wish I had cleaning fairies that would make my life so much easier!!!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

I have been so busy with things I do not like to do.  Sometimes saying yes and stretching yourself is not the best thing.  Sometimes you have to realize that you know yourself well enough NOT to do that-not to think you SHOULD because it might be GOOD for you.  What is so wrong with doing what you know is good and feels right.  I have to start making some choices, I think for so long I have run after every lead, every chance, every idea thinking this might prove profitable.  S friend just posted how harmful it was for u to have been raised with the idea if we worked hard enough we could get anything.  It is just not the truth-no wonder why so many of us have despair and self loathing.  We have believed that for so long, that it must be US that went wrong, we did not work hard enough we failed.  What a travesty, how could any sane person stay sane with that belief in their head.  It is kind of liberating in a way.  I still feel I need to prove or get something or tap dance faster so someone notices me, and yet some of my best times are spent alone with a book with paper and paints and music.   I would really like to live there for awhile  So today I went up to my studio for the first time in a long time and just did what I wanted.  This painting was done in about 30 minutes-because I was present, because i was living in it------I like it.  It makes me happy. Right here Right now..and I don't care what any one else thinks-its okay just by my own

Thursday, March 12, 2015

I am feeling such a burden on my shoulders lately.  Its all good stuff but all coming in at the same time.  It is like running on a treadmill going nowhere and yet logging on miles and miles.  At some point I must make some decisions about what is best for me, or what I want.  I like this lady because it looks to me like she just needed to close her eyes and rest for a moment, I probably was drawn to her cause I did not sleep last night!  Just take a little rest and chill out for a while. I love working with pastels, I may have to marry them.  there is something so delicious about the way they flow-and the way they leave their colors all over me, not just on the paper.  I feel marked by art

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

  I think I am schizophrenic-I seriously have so many totally different styles and mediums , I can't even keep up.  I love my landscape paintings and pastels.  I love my old ladies-painted or pastel or drawn and I love doing little fairies-although they can seem trite-guess which sells the most???  Yep, the fairies.  Seems so strange you can sweat and toil and angst over a portrait or a landscape and it just doesn't fly off the etsy shelves like the fairies!  I kind of hate to paint toward what sells instead of what I want but if I want to make any money doing this that is what must happen.  So I am trying to loik at how people market toward a niche, even though I feel kind of weird about it.  Like I am selling out-or I don't know-kind of catering?  It should not make me feel bad, but I want to scream-but look at this great old face I just drew that came from deep in my soul!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 8, 2015

It is spring!  i went for an outdoor run for the first time since the fall and it was lovely.  The melting snow , the smell-oh the glorious smell.  The red of the cardinals against the bare birch trees, the sun on my face-glorious.
I was just finishing up a rant blog when something happened and it totally disappeared, perhaps I wasn't meant to rant that particular rant.  Perhaps i was suppose to hold on to something, instead of condemning all the dreams I had.....interesting.    Of course, my husband would say I just hit the wrong key on the keyboard-he is so practical and not at all driven to whimsy and the heartbreak of lost dreams.  Maybe that is a better way to be.  But sometimes, I still get a glimpse of something more, like when I was in London and could almost SEE the ghosts out of the corner of my eye.  Perhaps the dreamers the artists the storytellers serve the world in ways we will never know.  All I know is that the more practical and factual about life I am, the unhappier I feel.......

The sun is out.  I saw trees on my run that might be fairy homes....and I heard a strange rustling in the leaves that could be magic......