I have been so busy with things I do not like to do.  Sometimes saying yes and stretching yourself is not the best thing.  Sometimes you have to realize that you know yourself well enough NOT to do that-not to think you SHOULD because it might be GOOD for you.  What is so wrong with doing what you know is good and feels right.  I have to start making some choices, I think for so long I have run after every lead, every chance, every idea thinking this might prove profitable.  S friend just posted how harmful it was for u to have been raised with the idea if we worked hard enough we could get anything.  It is just not the truth-no wonder why so many of us have despair and self loathing.  We have believed that for so long, that it must be US that went wrong, we did not work hard enough we failed.  What a travesty, how could any sane person stay sane with that belief in their head.  It is kind of liberating in a way.  I still feel I need to prove or get something or tap dance faster so someone notices me, and yet some of my best times are spent alone with a book with paper and paints and music.   I would really like to live there for awhile  So today I went up to my studio for the first time in a long time and just did what I wanted.  This painting was done in about 30 minutes-because I was present, because i was living in it------I like it.  It makes me happy. Right here Right now..and I don't care what any one else thinks-its okay just by my own