Sunday, May 10, 2015
The daughter is back from college with a new cat. Its been fun to see him try and acclimate to our other three animals. The oldest cat and the dog are ecstatic about a new friend. The youngest cat is being a super brat-and she is usually the mellow one. We had two dogs staying with us over christmas and there ws none of this growling and hissing behavior.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Spring is upon us and I am determined to keep moving -did my Insanity workout today and then walked up to the post office-so i hit 12,000 steps before noon! Thanks fitbit.....off to do more poractive things-like clean the basement...
Monday, April 13, 2015
Okay this is just one of the best times I have ever had in my life-and I am not kidding. I have always been enamored of history, puppets and theatre-and after playing with altoid dioramas for a few years I woke up this morning and it suddenly hit me-Punch and Judy!!!!!! that crazy duo that has been around for hundreds of years-I have stood in Covent Garden right next to the Plaque that declares the Punch and Judy sighted in the 1660s by Samuel Pepys. See that is how much of a geek I am. When reading Pepys diary (and if you haven't, oh what you have missed!!!!) I almost had an excitement heart attack when I came to the mention of Punch and Judy-Why you ask??? I have no earthly idea. Maybe it harks back to when I was in grade school and some marionette theatre would come every year and put on shows. I can still feel the thrill, watching those puppets, watching the story, completely absorbed and lost in it. It has been a secret dream to do puppet theatre.....oh, how many wonderfully impractical dreamy things I love to do--
so Punch and Judy-in an altoid can-with a back drop-now THAT was a GOOD day
Sunday, April 5, 2015
We had brunch with some very old friends downtown, all I could think of was how darn expensive it was and how I didn't want to eat much. Then someone asked me if I were happy. and that opened up a dam. I guess I get so worried about what may happen, or what does not happen, that I totally forget to be here with what is happening now. One of the gals was a cancer survivor and she had Lymphoma. We talked about that and I realized how stupidly lucky I am and how I must I MUST stop dwelling in the horrids all the time. Bottom line I am alive my kids and husband are great. Every one is healthy and I am still creating-I have to live in that.....
So yesterday I did this quick sketch with acrylics ala 40's portrait painting....I love this style and I am finally happy with what I can do with faces. I am learning all the time, and when I have a paintbrush in my hand I am so happy and in the now......these are things to cling to....
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Sunday, March 8, 2015
I was just finishing up a rant blog when something happened and it totally disappeared, perhaps I wasn't meant to rant that particular rant. Perhaps i was suppose to hold on to something, instead of condemning all the dreams I had.....interesting. Of course, my husband would say I just hit the wrong key on the keyboard-he is so practical and not at all driven to whimsy and the heartbreak of lost dreams. Maybe that is a better way to be. But sometimes, I still get a glimpse of something more, like when I was in London and could almost SEE the ghosts out of the corner of my eye. Perhaps the dreamers the artists the storytellers serve the world in ways we will never know. All I know is that the more practical and factual about life I am, the unhappier I feel.......
The sun is out. I saw trees on my run that might be fairy homes....and I heard a strange rustling in the leaves that could be magic......
Friday, February 20, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Monday, February 16, 2015
well, some days you just can't draw for shit-this was one of those days I hate that. I am trying very hard to keep moving forward and appreciate everything I have. But when you come to a bad drawing day, it sucks.but one keeps on. The more I care, the worse I get. That is such a strange thing. I have to teach a class tonight on auditioning tips. I kind of feel like a fake because although I have done some damn fine ones, its been a while since I booked anything. It is frustrating, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have control over your career. Is it true if you work hard you will be rewarded-not in my field. Must be weird to go to work every day sure of your place, not having to constantly prove yourself with every project. What would it be like to not be interviewed for every single thing you do? Not to have people look at you when you say what you do for a living in the weird way people do and then ask-REALLY??? have I SEEN you in anything???
Sunday, February 15, 2015
who does a girl need to sleep with ?
I am going to do a weird experiment.
I am going to try all week to do something different and out of the ordinary to get attention to my art
I have to start thinking-and I HATE this saying-but OUTSIDE OF THE BOX
oh-I JUST GOT AN IDEA...................
Monday, February 9, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
There are times in my life where I withdraw and sort of recharge. These are times when a friends request can seem so overwhelming to me, hard tasks to get done-but I do them. Lately I am wondering if I do things because I am interested and want to-or if I do them to feel needed or to make others feel like I am on their side. Supportive to mean means all in, although it is sapping me. I will put by my own desires and projects to work on someone elses. I make them so much more important and dumb down my stuff. If I do that enough-which lately I feel I have, I become resentful and tired-really tired. This also might have to do with my daughter coming home for another drs appt-where they want to put her in a sleep study-when I asked how much he said oh thousands and thousands. Well, as much as I love my kid, I do not have thousands and thousands. I also have very very little trust in doctors as for five years she has been going through all this stuff and really, not one person has actually looked at her like a person, or like a whole. They shove pills at her-so many it is like she is 90, and she still suffers-we have spent and spent and spent until we have nothing left to spend. It is such a hard place to be, for her, for us,for families like us. It makes me sad and defeated. This is probably why I am so tired and overwhelmed today. Plus, in my gut, just as I don't think she need a sleep study, I think she needs different medications than the ones she is on because everyone of them AFFECTS HER SLEEP CYCLE-this is what the dr said-but sis he suggest different meds or actions -no, he wanted to do a thousands and thousands sleep study.
I know there must be doctors out there who actually listen and care (and yes she answered the same questions time after time-it was like he wasn't really listening) but i have yet to find one
I think I will go take a nap.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
I also realized how my tastes have changed over the years-I am smitten by the lines and colors of the 1930s. I used to find them cold and off putting. Now I find them so incredibly rich and inspiring. There was a skyscraper nightstand that just blew me a way-it was like all the old Fred Astaire movies. Such CLASS!!!!!!!!!!
I must remember to keep moving-keep getting out in the world-keep seeing
Saturday, January 31, 2015
I went to Bills juggling show at Central Library in St Paul-one of the most beautiful libraries I have ever been to. Some years ago, they re- did the kids room, taking the 1920's puppet theatre out of the old lovely oval room and putting it in the new room...I hated the change-but I always hate change. I haven't been back since, but today, oh today!! all the joy of going the LIBRARY the most magical place on the face of the earth-it came rushing back to me. The framed drawings of Make way for Ducklings!!! The signed copy of Misty by Marguerite Henry, the old old story books in the reference section with the wonderful prints of illustrations that I loved-Homer Price with his doughnuts falling out of his arms -the real drawing..it stunned me, it moved me, it made me feel so alive. I have always loved books, but children s books I have such a passion for, such a connection. It is like going home and it is good. I re- resolved to write and illustrate more-even if it is just for me. Nothing in the world makes me happier. What a wonderful treat-plus Bill's show was amazing-such a blessing this morning was.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
My daughters 19th birthday, and I swear I still wake up in the morning deciding what I want to be. I wonder if anyone ever feels grown up. I know I never have. I can pretend to be, but inside I am wondering when the hell I can leave the meeting and paint or draw or read or play. I still love crayons the best, I think if there is a heaven it will smell like a new box of crayolas.
What I have learned this month is that the less I think about the drawing the better it is. I have learned I adore charcoal and the way it moves. I like sketches as opposed to drawings-if I ay sketch it means loose and not 'finished and makes the looker fill the details in. I love that. It makes the looker part of the process, part of the work. I like to think of people adding their own, there we connect and make a whole.'
Monday, January 26, 2015
What is it that reflects sadness in our faces. Isn't it the most interesting thing-just a subtle change can make the whole face attain a different quality. I am going to explore that more, Yesterday I went to the Mall of America-or as I like to call it-my personal hell on earth. I went to support my husband who is in a fit bit challenge-and as I have mentioned before-we get REALLY competitive-he ended up with 23,000 something steps-or roughly 10 miles. But as we plowed around the mall I started to get really overwhelmed. All the people, all the THINGS-oh my god, the THINGS-I remembered that scene in Moscow on the Hudson when Robin Williams as the Russian defector goes into a super market for the first time. When he hits the coffee aisle he mutters coffee...coffee..coffee..and ends up fainting as he is so overcome with the choices, the vast array of choices. Now, choice is great, but oh my god. When I told my husband how I felt he wonders what aliens will think of us when all that is left is malls-what will they think the meaning of this is.
I wonder what they will-it kind of sickens me. I am in awe that we can build this homage to the all mighty dollar, but we let our vets sleep on the street, I can't get the exact feeling, or words, but I am sometimes so disappointed in what we give value to. And its hard to not give in to it, because it surrounds us. Can't wait until the weather gets warmer and then its around the lakes and parks again-that makes my heart happy. There I can nod to the dog walkers and gasp hello to the other runners and feel the sun on my skin.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Here is what I learned:
We are all crazy competitive..there are even taunts..we are pretty funny
I had to teach a drama club today, I thought I sucked but the kids LOVED it and cannot wait until next week. Kids ask so little. Just to notice them is huge. When Bill, who is a third grade teacher and a juggler, comes upon student in a place other than school, they act like hes a movie star.
I wanted to draw on something different so I took my shattered charcoal to an old brown paper bag. I think I am going to crumble one up really good then smooth it out and make those lines wrinkles in the face , I think perhaps I am going to also have to break down and buy some more charcoal pencils.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
I was in a huge hurry-way too much I needed to do. So before I edited some stuff , I grabbed the nearest pencil and a piece of paper. The pencil was so dull and I could not find the sharpener, so I moved on the next one at hand which was red-it was weird but fun. I just wanted to get one done, because I made that my goal. I may move on to other subjects, but someone once told me I could not draw people. So of course, I believed her, and for the next few years...I could not draw people.
I think I can now.
I think about all the stuff we buy as ours just because someone told us so.
I think we really need to think about that.
Monday, January 19, 2015
I only had a number 2 pencil and a few minutes, but I like the way it turned out. I have no idea why I am doing this. I just know it helps a bit to write and draw. It makes me forget myself for a while and that is a relief. I would like to forget myself, I would like to find a way to dump all the crap that keeps beating at my door. I do know, thought, steps to take to keep it at bay. Exercise really helps, eating well helps going OUTSIDE helps. We walked around bredesen yesterday,and that was fun. The sun was out , it was warm-well, warm for Jan in MN.. I wonder how many many miles I have logged around that park. How many books on tape I have gone through. I bets its hundreds.
This daily drawing has given me this weird detachment from the outcome. I start to look at shapes and shadows instead of what the object is. It makes it more interesting and less painful. I am lucky, I get to do this and I am sitting near a window in my own house with the sun shing on stained glass that I made.
I wonder why that is never enough.
I think we need to train ourselves to be okay with that. just the being.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
thats pretty darn great
Sunday, January 11, 2015
I am learning something. I am learning that I do take up space and that is okay. I am learning that things that I have done in the past come back in strange and beautiful ways. I am learning not to care so much about how it looks and more about doing it. I am learning connections kindly made years ago are coming back better than ever. And I am learning that depression tries to rob you of this. It tries to deny these things that are so sweet. And I am learning NOT to let it.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
what I am trying to do is not care about the outcome and just do really quick sketches-this was about 4 minutes-I want to go back and fix it, but that would defeat the purpose of the exercise, which is to get pencil in hand and draw. This has been good for me. Missing yesterday cause I was busy was sad, but I did doodle and I went thru my day. I am starting to really love the charcoal pencil althoug it is not as precise as a reg pencil.
Today I voiced to radio commercials, got an order for an original stained glass and am going to see a friend in a one woman show that I haven't seen face to face in about twenty years-its a good day