August 27th 2008

I have spent all day in a little bit of heaven because I am creating a book for a friend and it is so much fun-I have also made a stuffed fairy godmother for her-it is featured in the book. So surrounded by every messy thing you can think of glue gun, sequins, glitter, paints ,paper, pens, color pencils, glitter glue I am happy happy happy!!! The only thing I have to do now is figure how to get text onto a picture, doesn't that SOUND easy?? It seems to me that all you would do is photo shop the art and start writing in the spaces you would like to write. Apparently, however it is easier to win eight gold medals in the Olympics than it is for the computer to work in the most logical way one can think of. What the heck????????????? Oh, this little guy I did yesterday and I learned a new lesson-I am so cheap I paint with as little paint as possible and it never works-when will I learn to squeeze out paint as though I were a millionaire?

August 26, 2008

How often do I censor myself in my life, in my work, in my wants?? It has been an interesting question for me because it is what I feel needs to change and grow-that honoring that part of me that seems foolish or irrelevant, the art projects that seem crafty and there fore not as valuable must be addressed and looked at. There is so much I feel I want to do but somehow I have taken another(or should I say another s) path. I overheard a conversation today that made me want to rush over and put in my two cents-a young girl was questioning her right to pursue what her career dream was because of " all the competition out there" and "who am I to think I can do that" "how can I apply for that job-there are so many others with more credits on their resume". Yes it may be true but there is only one YOU-one way YOU see it-one way YOU experience it. Just because you have a peice of paper saying you have gradutated from whatever does not mean you have made it-and just because you don't doesn't mean you can't. It appalls me how brainwahed I am with all this. It is hard to seperate the beliefs and creedo of the tribe from what you actually believe. I so blindly follow those rules and regulations that somehow we all agreed to. I want to break those rules and not worry about it. I want my instincts of what is right for ME to over ride what I think I SHOULD do or be.....

August19 2008

I should stop listening to Leonard Cohen. His music overtakes me and sends me on little side tours. So this is yet another rendition of Dance Me to the end of Love-which is an incredibly beautiful song with so many images, incredible poetry..and such richness that you tend to drift into the words and stay there for awhile. What is the difference between illustration and art? So many of the artists I adore were labeled illustrators, as if there were a whole different island that those people had to live on -which island would I choose? Do I have to choose an island? Do I have to choose a label? What if in trying to cultivate a voice I find I am Sybil..and I like it...

August 16, 2008

Okay it has been a million and five years and I have missed this. Not only because it allows me to dump some of my thoughts but the whole process is very satisfying. I have long, long been an admirerer of Arthur Rackman's art-just one of the great old illustrators who I thought I would grow up to be-oh, let's face it I STILL think I am going to grow up to be one. Dreams don't die, even though at times we shove them down, trample on them and carry the broken sharp edges around with us for years. I have come to think that instead of that, perhaps it is just time to take them out and play. there comes a time whien you are just so damn sick of the nos and the you aren't good enoughs that you just start thinking--why the hell not?? What is the measure of success-doing what you love or having it all-well, it would be nice if one creates the other but why stop if all it does is fill you with joy????? Aren't we all Frank Sinatra (or insert you fav singer) in the shower??

Watercolor 8 x 10

July 28th 2008
Sometimes I get stuck in a rut thinking what am I trying to accomplish-and there's the rub-doing something for the sheer sake of doing something seems so undervalued. I am always looking for the profit-for the payoff. What if , in life ,we could just BE without weighing where it is going to get us. Food for thought. I wish I could retrain my thoughts in this direction. I saw my art thru another,s eyes and my mind started asking me why I even tried. It looked so amateurish-so well, simple and silly. Could I settle for the pay off of the love I feel while i do this. If I could would that bleed over into my life and suddenly every moment would be bliss because there would be no expectations and therefore no disappointments. What is it we are all striving for if not to feel content with where we are. And why is it so hard to do that? What forces us to try and value everything we do...maybe it is just me..why do I feel so guilty then for indulging in this and why is hobby such a bad word? Why do we search for someone else to put value on us instead of valuing ourselves.....

July 22,2008
I love painting. I love it. Nothing in the world compares to being in the zone . I could spend just hours doing my thing, but the family the dog the laundry keep piling up. Well, they all add to my dreams and my visions so I can't complain. Its all one.

July 14, 2008

I have just figured out why people pay to have a studio-so that when there pencil is poised above the page and the music is playing and the mind and hand are wandering into that wonderful zen like place and all creation is swirling around you ready to channel-your beloved family won't come home from Burger King announcing they have the new apple fries and isn't that cool and turn off the music and procede as if no great worldly epic masterpeices were about to be made. JEEESH!!!
And that is how reality smacks you upside the head...........