Friday, September 5, 2008

Sept 5 2008

Had an interesting talk last night about what we do to let ourselves 'deserve' to do what we love. That somehow we all felt there must be an element of sweat or payment or sacrifice before we get to do/buy/get what we want. Does it feel wasteful to go to a museum do my art see a movie? I used to feel it was, or that it must be a 'special' occasion. I even feel guilty when I read because aren't I just wasting time. Then the other night I was loading the dish washer and feeling harried and harassed and that I had to get this done to get on stopped me dead. Get on to where..where did I think I had to Is there someplace I feel that I am SUPPOSED to be something somewhere I am suppose to land and then I am done, I have won the game. I think I am going to take my toys and play in another game for awhile-just a place where I do what I and when I want be who I am and not care. What a release-what if I just had to be here now.......and the next second...and the next....

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